The Bishop's Solution
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his pathetic poll standings.
His image handler made a visit to the Bishop and said, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position onstem cell research, the Iraq war, hurricane Katrina, and the Veterans Administration. We'll make a $100,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint.
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church is desperate for funding - I'll do it."
Bush showed up for the sermon and the Bishop began:
"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President. George Bush is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the American people.
"He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most hated country on earth.
"He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor than we've had since the Depression.
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome.
"The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars, gas prices are up 85%, which the people of America cannot afford, and vital research into global warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes from religious kooks.
"He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known.
"But compared to Dick Cheney, George W. Bush is a saint."
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